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Friday, April 28, 2006

The Basket Case Speaks

I haven't had much to really tell you about lately. It's not that I don't have anything going on in my life, it's just that it would probably bore you.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my Doctor's visit and that I would explain at later time what that visit was about. I will do my best to explain now.

I have always had some sort of chemical imbalance most of my life, but was never treated for it. My parents pretty much thought it was just my personality, and so it was overlooked.

Finally after many, many years I decided to go to the doctor because I was becoming so depressed I was to the point of being suicidal. I was given Paxil and that seemed to help for a while.

Six years ago, I was in a horrific accident and without going thru all the details, I was and still am messed up mentally and physically. I was taken off Paxil and put on different meds and eventually Celexa.

I have done fairly well with Celexa and decided to wean myself off of it in hopes that I could finally control my emotions. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to control my emotions as well as I thought. Combine that with the fact I have tremendously low self esteem and the recent loss of our Rottie, only amplified it more. All of this has made my marriage rather difficult. My poor husband has not had much of a sex life with me for about a year. Poor guy.

It was time to go back to the Doctor and see what needed to be done. Basically, I am back on meds, I have anger issues which stems from my accident, I am clinically depressed and I have OCD (the last two I have previously been diagnosed with). I have been avoiding counseling since my accident but my Doctor says I really need it. I don't really want to talk to a perfect stranger about my life, it makes no sense to me.

I have been on Lexapro for a week or so now and I am a much better person. My husband even says I am being extremely nice and he enjoys my company more. He even has started to say "I love you" more frequently. The only thing I have a problem with is that the meds make me a little lazy. I hope to "snap" out of that soon.

So, now you know. I hope you all don't think I'm a basket case and even if you do I would totally agree with you! LOL


Astaryth said...

Awwwwww.... we are all basket cases at some point or another, so your in good company. I'm glad that you are seeing someone and getting treated though.... depression is nothing to ignore! Hang in there!

Amy said...

OK, we're living some parallel life here. I had that car accident...and I was taking Wellbutrin..but that started to suck 'cause I was wiped out, so I stopped taking it... ::sigh:: BUT...I'm going back to the doctor this week to ask for Lexapro. I'm just tired of feeling. Bah...
big big hugs at you, chick...

Antonette said...

Thank you!!! Hugs right back at you all.