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Sunday, August 07, 2005

You got some x'plaining to do

Good Afternoon!

Well, besides a killer sinus headache, all is well here. I'm waiting for my hubby to come home for lunch. And speaking of Joey, I think I need to explain a few things (even though I don't think I have to) that I put in a recent journal entry. It seems, my journal entries are being judged as well as my marriage.

Joey and I have been together for 14 years. We love each other and sometimes hate each other but all in all we are soulmates it seems. When Joey is in his miserable moods, he's vulgar, mean and just cruel. When he's not in that mood, he's the most loving, caring and fun person. I'm sure most of the mood issues are because of his job, but that is no excuse. Now, I can't sit here and blame him for everything. I'm no saint either, but it's my journal and I decided it was husband bashing day and that's all there is to it.

Well, since I'm in a explaining kind of mood, I guess I'll just keep on going. It seems that prior to my "metamorphosis", I was creating my own hell so to speak. I was really fighting with my husband (to the point of getting a divorce), I was fighting with family, I was fighting with people on AOL (how stupid is that). I made some mistakes not only in my personal life but it seems with my "online" life as well. I discovered that your soulmate is your true love and it's a real love. And even though you think the grass is greener on the other side, it is not! I also discovered that the people I trusted, I shouldn't have trusted, thus creating a huge drama. Then, I started making changes. First with my personal life. I am on a diet. A real diet, that involves eating healthy and watching my calorie intake, taking a multi-vitamin and walking. Also working on my relationship with Joey, and making a real effort at being a better wife and friend. I'm trying to make some sort of sense out of why he can be so mean sometimes. I have a lot to learn even though we've been together for so long. Secondly, with my online life, like I said I cut ties with a lot of people, including some that I cared for. I think the whole online drama thing was starting to affect my personal life. I know there are a few people that are blaming me for everything and can't seem to stop blaming me even though I have left and moved on. I know I keep on speaking about my recent past and how I'm supposedly moving on, I am moving on, but it seems my past doesn't want to let me. Things keep on re-surfacing that remind me of my past. Oh well, so be it. I can't change the past. I'll just learn from it and hopefully this sort of thing will never occur again.

Now, I hope this is all the explaining I need to do for a long time. I realize this is a journal about me and it includes all aspects of my life, but there is no need to bring the public into my prior mess ups. It's not necessary. But it seems, I had to do this to get the weight off of me and to correct some people who think my marriage is going right down the toilet. It is not going down the toilet. The toilet hasn't been flushed yet! LOL

Enjoy the rest of your day! I know I will.

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